Deidara's Bad Adventure
by kakalover
Summary: Deidara gives Tobi a CD. Since Tobi was brothering him. He soon regrets it. It turns out Tobi likes to sing. The Akatsuki members hate Deidara, and like Tobi. There is Also a strange magazine. No pairings
1. The CD, and Magazine

Rated M for language, violence, and some themes! **Warning somewhat of a lemon!**

A/N- Tell me if this fic sucks, or if it is good. **PLEASE REVIEW!...**

DISCLAIMER- I DO NOT OWN NARUTO.

**Title: Deidara's Bad Adventure**

**Chapter one: Tobi Signs:**

One day Itachi was day dreaming about slitting someone's throat, and cutting off their fingers making them suffer. Then his door burst open.

Tobi was watching him.

Deidara ran up to him saying, "NO TOBI DON'T DO IT! IT'S NOT WORTH IT. DON'T DO IT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO TELL HIM! Itachi looked at Tobi, "What's this all about Tobi?"

Tobi walked closer to Itachi, "Well, there is a meeting downstairs, and the rest of the Akatsuki is already there." Deidara just looked at him. As they quietly went downstairs.

Everyone was there except for the leader. Hidan asked, "Why the hell are we here? You said the leader would be here!"

Tobi jump right besides him,

"He's not here, and do you know what Deidara gave me?" Everyone glare at Deidara. He jumped back, "I didn't know!"

Tobi went on, "He gave me a cool CD he didn't want, and said it came from the mailbox!" Itachi replied, "Tobi we don't have a mailbox." Tobi shouted back, "YES WE DO! I ordered it. It's right there see!" Tobi pointed through a window. Then Deidara took out a black control, and pushed a little red button. BOOM!

Tobi wailed, "Mailbox all gone!" Hidan glare, and stepped closer to Deidara, "You're in deep shit now. My women's magazine was in there!"

Kisame just stared at him. Hidan shouted, "Hey, I look at the women in there okay! Besides they understand me!" Kisame smile, "My mommy is in there, and she wears cute skin revealing clothes to show our color!"

Tobi jumps up, and down, "Cool, I brought that one from the store, and it's in my room now!" Now Itachi was really annoyed, and Deidara was sick. Itachi broke up the conversation, "Why are we here again?"

Tobi seem to get happier, "I wanted to sing!" Zetsu got up, "Am leaving now!" Other members started getting up too. Tobi said, "Nuh-ah, I put three seals around here, 30 locks, and bars on each window, and door!" Then Tobi took out his little button, and push it, "The only places we can go is here, and my room!"

Hidan asked, "How are expose to get fucking damn out?" Tobi reply,"It can be only open from the outside, and leader comes back in three hours!" They all step towards Tobi. Tobi yelled, "There's another way out!" Kisame asked, "What's that…killing you?"

Tobi said, "No silly, by singing of course its sound activated." Deidara looked annoyed, "What's the song?" Tobi replied, "Um… I don't know, but it was on your CD sempai. So I'll just sing all of them!"

Deidara was going to scream at him, but couldn't. Then Tobi started to sing, "This song goes out to the ladies, but guys you listen real close." Then Deidara did scream, "NO, that's not right. Don't sing Tobi please don't sing!"

Tobi did anyway though, "You don't always have to fuck her hard. In fact sometimes that's not right to do. Sometimes you have to make some love. Sometimes fucking gives her smooches toooo!"

Every Akatsuki member looked astonish, disgusted, and/or mad. Deidara quickly pulled beer out of a secret compartment, "Beer anyone?" Everyone ran towards the beer. Deidara hoped the beer would help them forget this ever happen.

Tobi went on with his sick little song, "Sometimes you have to squeeze. Sometimes you have to say please. Sometimes you say hey. Am gonna fuck you…softly. Am gonna screw you gently. I'm gonna hump you sweetly."

Deidara almost puke went Tobi looked at him while singing, "God, why sound activated locks? Why can't I just die?...That's right I got bombs!" As he tried to commit suicide.

Then Itachi stopped him, "No, you're blow the place up. You will get tortured very severely, and listen to Tobi. You wont even touch the beer, or wine!" Deidara scream, "NOOOOOOO! IT BURNS MY EARS!"

Tobi again went on, "I'm going to maul you discreetly…Then you say hey I brought you flowers. Then say wait a minute Sally…I got something in my teeth. Then she helps me. NOW, that's fucking teamwork...

Then…Deidara puked in a trash can. Hidan, and Zetsu dumped the trash can on Deidara. Then a drunken Itachi yelled, "GOD, you sink!" He then pour beer on poor, poor Deidara. Itachi smirked, "Smells like flowers, and roses."

The drunken Kisame started laughing, "He likes flowers, and roses!" Itachi glare, but so did Zetsu, Hidan, and Konan. Zetsu yelled, "Hey, I like plants!" Then drunkenly started beating each other up. Deidara got most of it.

The scary, and perverted side of Tobi went on, "What's your favorite per-dish? That's cool, it's not my favorite, but I'll do it for you. What's your favorite dish? Am not going to cook it, but I'll order it.

The leader appear, "WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Tobi scream as if he didn't hear him, "THEN AM GOING TO LOVE YOU COMPETELY!"

The leader said, "What have you guys been doing something Tobi?"

They all drunkenly yelled, "NO!"

Tobi yelled, "THEY'RE DRUNK!"

Leader said, "I'm coming back when the beer has worn off completely!"

They shouted, "NO! DON'T GO!"

But it was too late the leader had already left.

Tobi said, "I don't think that was the correct song. It would've open awhile ago. Deidara looked at Tobi, "Tobi, I hate you."

Tobi went up to Deidara, "But Deidara I love you." Tobi wailed, and hugged him.

Making Deidara fall down out of shock, "Ugh, Tobi get off of me, am not gay!"

Tobi jump up waving his arms, "Don't be afraid to admit it. You're just afraid to say it."

Deidara replied, "Tobi am not gay, and even if I was I wouldn't be afraid to admit it!"

Tobi yelled, "LIAR!"

Deidara leapt out at Tobi tackling him to the ground. Deidara was about to murder him, but Hidan said drunkenly, "Don't fucking hurt him, or suffer from me! I'M A PINK SQURRIELLY DOCTOR!" Deidara replied, "Well, how does that make any sense, and therefore, WHO THE FUCKING BITCHY HELL AM I?"

Tobi giggles, "The pony princess!"

Deidara turns bright red, "Then who are you Tobi?" Tobi seem to think, "Well, um… am little Ms. Short Cake. You know the one with the strawberries!"

Deidara screams, "GOD, HOW IN HELL AM I GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS SHIT-HOLE?"

Tobi replies by putting his pointer finger pointing up in the air, "Well, my door is always open."

Deidara jumps back, "HUH?" Tobi says, "Remember? It's unlocked."

Then Tobi starts singing, "I love you, you love me, were a happy family." Hidan joins in because the affect of alcohol is very great.

Deidara screams, and runs into Tobi's room without thinking, and still doesn't know what is in there. To this day only Tobi knows what is in his room. Deidara has his suspicions. He jump into Tobi's bed, and hid under the covers.

Then Deidara heard Tobi, and Hidan faintly sing, "A kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me too." Deidara screams as he covers his ears, "IT WON'T GO AWAY!" As he pushes the covers over his ears harder. He opens his eyes, and adjusted to the dark. He saw something.

It looks like a magazine. He picked it up, and it read 'Women's Mag.' He always wonder why people liked them so much. He started flipping through the pages, and randomly picked a page. It had a picture of a blue skin woman .She was in a dark blue bikini, dark blue hair, and big yellow eyes. At the top it said 'This Exotic Women is from a Powerful Clan, and gave birth to a male almost two decades ago. The name of the child is currently unknown.' Then Deidara realize it was Kisame's mom.

Then at the bottom of the page it said 'Known Facts: Did you know some people suffer from their pancreases giving from to many hormones? The systoms are similar to the systoms of Bipolar people. For the definition please go to page 107.' Deidara wonder, "Man, I always thought I had a disorder, but could it be hormone problems? Maybe I should consult a doctor? What if am BIPOLAR? NO, DEIDARA GET A HOLD OF YOUSELF!"

Then Deidara felt his hand land in something soft material. He looks down, and saw it was TOBI'S underwear. He did remember kicking something soft when he was jumping on the bed though.

Deidara scream, and slip on something. It was two DVD's. It said, 'Lady In the Water', and the other one said 'What Lies Beneath.' Deidara decided to borrow them. He put them under his cloak. He wonders, '_I wonder what the other Akatsuki members hide under their cloaks? I mean they could be hiding anything.'_

**Author: Sorry for the late updates on the other fics. Right now this will be my main fic until it's none, or almost done. More reviews, more chapters. Therefore more updates. **

**-Kakalover (For ones who don't know Kaka stands Kakashi.)**


	2. Stupid Weasels

Sorry for late updates, I haven't had time to type, and my computer sucks and won't let me update so I have to save them on documents and put them up on a friends computer…

**Sorry for late updates, I haven't had time to type, and my computer sucks and won't let me update so I have to save them on documents and put them up on a friends computer…**

**Kakashi appears: Yo**

**Me: OMG! It's Kaka!...I mean Kakashi! Will you say the Disclaimer?**

**Kakashi: (sweat drops) Sorry, but no.**

**Me: SAY IT! Or I'll tell Gai where you are and say your being un-youthful! **

**Kakashi: Kakalover doesn't own Naruto, or any of its characters!**

**Me: YAY!**

**Kakashi: (sigh) **

_Recap_

_Deidara scream, and slip on something. It was two DVD's. It said, 'Lady In the Water', and the other one said 'What Lies Beneath.' Deidara decided to borrow them. He put them under his cloak. He wonders, '__I wonder what the other Akatsuki members hide under their cloaks? I mean they could be hiding anything.'_

_End of Recap_

**Chapter two: Stupid Weasels!**

Deidara went out of Tobi's room, and to the rest of Akatsuki. Tobi put his arm around him, and sang, "You're Beautiful."

Deidara turn green, though it clash with the orange puke he puke earlier, and Zetsu and Hidan _had_ dump it on him. That reminds him…None of it came off, its all dried out, and crusty. Once in a while pieces, and fakes came floating down.

Deidara scream, "GET OFF OF ME YOU GAY HOMO!"

Tobi got sad, upset, and then…Angry, "Tobi mad! God Damn it! Tobi can't do anything fun around here without taken seriously! Only leader, Itachi, Mr. Plant head, Hidan, and fishy man know Tobi joking. FINE! Tobi guesses he'll always take you seriously! So if you playfully let off your bombs, Tobi will hurt you. Tobi will think you're trying to kill Tobi!"

Deidara put his head down, and sigh, "Am…Sorry…Tobi, but please be Tobi again and stay that way please."

Tobi stood there for a moment, a silent moment.

Deidara now notice everyone else was gone, and they were the only ones left.

Tobi fell down laughing…strange giggles in between. Deidara got annoy, and turn red.

Tobi stop laughing…mostly, "You know sempai, Leader came while you were in Tobi's room, and let everyone out, but Tobi told him Tobi would stay here, and you were upstairs looking at Tobi's stuff. Leader told Tobi we could!"

Deidara's mouth was open, and he was lump over like a hunch back, "Huh?"

Tobi drag Deidara to the couch, and sat down besides Deidara, "Don't worry Sempai, Tobi just wants to show you something…Though it may scare you."

Deidara thought, '_God, Tobi is being very creepy today.'_

Tobi whisper, "Look at what Tobi took pictures of, on a mission. Tough Tobi snuck from Mission to here a lot. Them Tobi flip out pictures from his pocket.

Deidara scream, "OH MY GOD TOBI! YOU'RE DEAD, IF HE SEES YOU WITH THESE!"

Tobi whisper back, " If he finds anyone with them, they're dead!"

Deidara look over the weird pictures. One was Itachi in a weasel costume, and little baby weasels that look like they were cut, and paste onto the picture. Another was Itachi in the shower with another baby weasel on his shoulder, and then the last one was Itachi giving the baby weasels a pink bubbly bath.

Deidara wonder aloud, "Tobi, where did you find a computer to print out there pictures of baby weasels. Most importantly, where did you find scissors, and glue? I thought Leader-Sama hid them from you?"

Tobi seem to smile, "Tobi actually did take the pictures! It makes no sound, and no flash! Picture comes out as soon as Tobi takes it! See!" Deidara froze, too shock to know baby weasels circle around Itachi on their own accord that he didn't see Tobi take out a camera.

SNAP Deidara came to, he looked over to see Tobi taking out a picture out of his camera. It show Deidara's back, and above his shoulder show his hand holding the pictures.

"Give me it Tobi!"

"But Sempai!"

"Tobi it's rude to take pictures of people that don't approve! Tobi is a bad boy!"

"Tobi is a good boy though!"

"Tobi give me the-"

The leader came in, "Why are you guys here? Everyone else went to their rooms." Then Itachi came down with a moving garage bag. Itachi actually looked surprise. Tobi asked, "Weasel-kun, why is your bag moving?"

Itachi didn't answer.

"Fine! You don't get to see the pictures that Deidara has of you!"

"Explain."

Tobi gave the picture of Deidara holding the pictures. Deidara wave frantically, with the pictures in hand, shaking his head no.

Itachi's eyes landed on Deidara's hand, "Whats that."

Tobi took them and gave them to Itachi.

Deidara groan, "No……he's going to kill me."

Itachi slip the pictures up his sleeve, "Worse."

Deidara gulp.

"I thought I would never use this, but I guess I will now."

Itachi dropped the bag, full grown weasels came out.

**Please Review! Again sorry for late updates, and I had to update at a friends house. Thanks Shana! Since my computer won't let me...Hope you liked it!**


	3. The End Of Deidara's Happiness!

Hello people reading this, this will be the last chapter in this fic

Hello people reading this, this will be the last chapter in this fic. I hope you enjoyed it while it lasted (:. Reviews of telling me if you liked it, OR not would be nice. I DO like Deidara as an awesome character, so don't get the idea that I despise him. I will not be making a sequel, but I might make another fic like this though it would be shorter, and only related to this one by having Akatsuki in it. Thanks for reading,

-Kakalover

**Me: Deidara please say the disclaimer**

**Deidara: No**

**Me: Say it or I'll get the full grown weasels from **_this _**chapter for this disclaimer**

**Deidara: You mean?**

**Me: Yep, all of them**

**Deidara: gulps**

**Me: Deidara**

**Deidara: Kakalover doesn't own ****Naruto****, or any of its characters. Except the making of the **

**weasels that Itachi is using against me (Deidara). All songs use before this chapter **

**belongs to people she doesn't know, so she can not tell you.**

**Me: Thanks, now you may be in pain in this chapter. From the full grown weasels Itachi **

**attacks you with.**

**Deidara: But you said…**

**Me: Only in this disclaimer Smiles **

**Deidara: grumbles**

_Recap:_

_Chapter Two: Stupid Weasels_

_Tobi gave the picture of Deidara holding the pictures. Deidara wave frantically, with the pictures in hand, shaking his head no._

_Itachi's eyes landed on Deidara's hand, "What's that."_

_Tobi took them and gave them to Itachi._

_Deidara groan, "No……he's going to kill me."_

_Itachi slip the pictures up his sleeve, "Worse."_

_Deidara gulp._

"_I thought I would never use this, but I guess I will now."_

_Itachi dropped the bag, full grown weasels came out._

_End of Recap_

()()()()()()()()()()()

**Chapter two: The End of Deidara's happiness**

Deidara ask, "Um…Why are they so big? I thought they were still babies." With his mouth dropping to the ground. Itachi smirk, Deidara didn't like that smirk, "WERE, is the key word, but I have to admit. Kisame's Shark Gro helped too."

Deidara's eyes were huge, but got huger when Itachi said, "Attack my children, Daddy loves you." Deidara was then attack, and Tobi took pictures.

The weasels were biting him, sherding the clothes, and pulling his hair. Deidara scream, "NOT MY HAIR! FUCKING DAMN WEASELS!" Itachi says with thou evil smirk, "It doesn't matter my hair is sooo much shinier, smoother and even more flipable than yours, Deidara. Besides…if you scream, they are even more unbearable." As Itachi ran her fingers through his shiny, swooshy hair. Deidara started crawling away. Then, the weasel just fell off of him. Like they were statues. Itachi's smirk faded, "What _the _HELL! They should be fine, only human puke and beer effects them!"

Tobi shouted, "There is crusty dry puke all over him, and he drank beer!"

Itachi scream, "MR. WOOFY BOTTOMS! KINSEY SNOOKEMS! MRS. BUTTER! No my children, even Mr. Bubble!? At least I have, NO! NOT MRS. CUTIE MUFFIN BERRY! NOOOOO! NO, YOU WERE MY FAVORITE!

Tobi screech, "It's Deidara's fault!"

Deidara then got as white as paper. Itachi's eyes turn red, and so did the outside of it…except for the pupil, and the spinny things, of course. Deidara was tortue for 144 hours. (Six days)

When that was over, Tobi pour water on him to wake him up, **cough, cough** "Tobi, Wheres Itachi?"

"Somewhere training sempai! So is Sempai ok, since what happen?"

Deidara got green from memory, and almost puked again, "It's all your fault tobi!"

Tobi wailed, "ITACHI! HE'S BEING MEAN TO TOBI!"

Deidara when in shock, "When does Itachi ever help you?"

"When Tobi saved all the weasels!" Tobi said brightly.

Itachi came in, "If you hurt daddy's children again you'll get wrose than that. Here's a tobi of Tobi doing stuff."

Deidara fainted again, and woke up in a comfortable chair by a phycharist. The phycharist was asking questions. Some of which Deidara didn't know how to answer, didn't want to answer, or just didn't answer.

Deidara _tried _to get a retraining order against Tobi, but Leader wouldn't let him. He said that it was his punishment, and Tobi will be his parther for the time being. Deidara went to his room and watch, 'Lady in the Water,' and, 'What Lies Beanth'

Deidara now refuses to go to the bathroom, pool, spa, and spring. Therefore Deidara stunk. Itachi pass him, and stopped quickly. He order Tobi to come, Tobi came, "Yes sir? What can Tobi do?"

Itachi replied, "Take care of bussiness."

Tobi pick up Deidara, and threw him in a bubble bath.

Deidara scream, "Tobi! What the hell do you think your doing!"

"Bathing you, since Itachi told Tobi showering you would be wrong."

"Then what do you call this?"

Tobi seem to jump, "Bathing you with clothes since they sink too!"

After that, Deidara was forcible made the decision to take a shower. Or suffer the dangers of Tobi, and the bath tub.Then step one foot out of the shower, "Tobi why are y-, WHAT THE HELL!"

"Tobi just wanted Deidara to smell pretty!"

"With spraying _me _with perfume?"

"Tobi read it attracts people!"

"Tobi, this is female perfume, meaning it attract guys, _gay _guys."

"Does sempai not like Tobi's choice of perfume? Should Tobi asked Itachi he he likes it?"

"NO! I mean, its not that bad. Its kinda nice to smell it." Deidara then ran to his room, Deidara is now terrifed of Tobi.

Deidara is afraid to ask what's Tobi's "_orirentation." _Since Itachi might kill him for asking Tobi, if Tobi gets upset, or haves tp ask Itachi what it means. Who knows, Maybe Tobi may secretly tried to kiss Deidara. Deidara shiver at _that _thought.

Deidara tried to run away, but Tobi always brings him back. Now Itachi threatens Deidara about runing away, with his weasels. Poor Deidara now has to stay in Akatsuki for the remainder of his life.

-Owari

**Sorry for any spelling errors, my computer isn't working well and won't tell me whats spell wrong or right, and also sorry about the short ending, I was runing out of ideas! Thanks for reading, and hopefully you tell me what you liked, or didn't like (:****. Anyway REVIEW!**


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